Pug’s Place

Some stuff posted on Slashdot… Enjoy!

Isildur disappointed to find Gladden Fields already littered with corpses, rings.

Dwarven metal-detector only turns up bottle-caps, shattered armor of comrades.

Isildur, eldest son and heir of Elendil, was disappointed late afternoon
last Monday when his attempt to find the ring which slipped off his finger
failed. “I was looking all through the muck, between the reeds and shrubs, and
I even wrestled a Gladden Gator to see if it accidentally swallowed it.” The
King of both Arnor and Gondor then employed his three sons to aid in the
search. After much searching amongst the reeds, Elendur, eldest of Isildur’s four sons, shouted in the gloom, “I have located it, father!” Unfortunately, upon putting the ring on, Elendur did not disappear, leaving the red embarrassment on his face plain to the eye. “Must be some other ring,” he grumbled. The many corpses strewn across the Gladden Fields did not help the endeavor either. “All of this cracked and broken armor is really throwing off the metal detector. It’s like trying to find a needle in a bloody, corpse-strewn haystack. I can only hope my insurance covers this.” When pressed for comment, Lloyd’s of London only said that “Insurance for rings of power laden with the capability of invisibility is not available, not even for a king of the Numenoreans, largely because “invisible rings” are a huge source of insurance fraud.” Later on in the day, the heir of Elendil was slain by an orc. “I can only hope the One Ring is not found by some scheming, hideous halfling-like creature which emanates bubbling-like noises, or else all is lost,” he said in his dying words, before another arrow punctured his larynx.

Hehehe… And another!

Undead Witch King Riding Through Hobbiton Raises Only A Few Eyebrows

Late Thursday evening, local hobbit Ted Sandyman was only mildly surprised to see the Witch-king of Angmar, Lord of the Nazgul, riding down the road leading up and over The Hill. “Aye, sir, I was a-walkin’ down the road to go do some fishin’ at the Bywater Pool when up comes this surly fellow all in black,” the miller’s son commented. “He says to me, he says ‘Where can I find Bagginsssss’ in a real gruff voice, as if he’s the Lord of Angmar, much like. I give him the ol’ long look and says straight to his face, ‘If it’s Baggins you want, then go up-on The Hill. But you look mighty famished, sir, as if you didna’ eat for a few centuries.’ I then offers him to come over to the mill for some biscuits and the like but ‘ee says he hasn’t ‘et anything for a few centuries ‘cuz he’s been dead for a few centuries. Than he went a-gallopin’ up to the Hill, not even bothering to bid me a good day.” Another hobbit, Millo Burrow, also saw the forsaken slave of the second dark lord stroll through the town. “It musta been noon-day when I sees him. He was a-ridin’ a black horse, and so at first I thought it was old Mr. Butterbur come from Bree on an errand, but no: I look closer and, bless my hide, it’s the Lord of Angmar. I shrug my shoulders and go on my way, seein’ as it’s no business of mine as to what an eternally damned witch king is doin’ in town. Prolly buying some fine Hobbiton cheese, no doubt.”